I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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