So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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