Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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