Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
