You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
