I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
