In the future we'll all be gay
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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