I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
