Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
