I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
