whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
