quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
