have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
