This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my shit smells like andre
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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