i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
