The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
