I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
