accomplished twins. life is a go
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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