do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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