I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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