i don't like sucking hair
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
