There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
