Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
