Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
