so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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