I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
