Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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