The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
