She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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