Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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