I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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