you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
