The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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