i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
