3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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