my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
