found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
