she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
