We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
