I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
