So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
