If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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