I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
