He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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