His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
