So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
