if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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