I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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