Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
