Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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