She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
