Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
