she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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