this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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